"I could not live with my wrongdoing any longer, and after meeting my future wife Susie, after learning what unconditional love really is, I felt strong enough to tell her what I'd done, and she has helped me take the painful steps to telling my parents, my wider family and then the authorities, he said."
Auckland, July 1 - Former New Zealand cricketer Lou Vincent Tuesday admitted to cheating, saying he has abused his position as a professional cricketer by accepting money for fixing matches.
The 35-year-old Vincent's admission came shortly after he was banned by the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) for fixing five games and faced 26 charges in total. Vincent has played 23 Tests and more than 100 ODIs for New Zealand.
I have abused my position as a professional sportsman on a number of occasions by choosing to accept money through fixing. I have lived with this dark secret for many years, but just months ago I reached the point where I decided I had to come forward and tell the truth, said Vincent in a video-taped confession.
It's a truth that has rightly caused uproar and controversy in New Zealand and around the world. I have shamed my country. I have shamed my sport. I have shamed those close to me. For that, I am not proud. I lost faith in myself and the game. I abused the game I love. I had to put things right, added Vincent, who now stays in a farm in Kaukapakapa, about 40 minutes from Auckland city, away from the glitzy life of world cricket.
Vincent, who suffers from depression, is the first New Zealand cricketer to have a life ban from cricket. Bangladesh Cricket Board (BCB) also banned him recently for not reporting an approach while playing for the Dhaka Gladiators.
Champions League Twenty20 was also quick to ban him for life after the former Auckland Aces batsman pleaded guilty to seven charges relating to spot fixing.
In December it was revealed that Vincent was being investigated by the International Cricket Council's (ICC) Anti Corruption and Security Unit. In May, he was charged by the ECB on 14 counts of match-fixing while playing for English county Sussex in August 2011 - a Twenty20 game against Lancashire and a 40-over clash with Kent.
Speaking out. Exposing the truth. Laying bare the things I have done wrong is the only way I can find to begin to put things right. The time has come for me to now face them like a man and accept the consequences, whatever they may be.
I could not live with my wrongdoing any longer, and after meeting my future wife Susie, after learning what unconditional love really is, I felt strong enough to tell her what I'd done, and she has helped me take the painful steps to telling my parents, my wider family and then the authorities, he said.
I can finally look my children in the eyes and tell them that honesty is the best policy, even if it feels like the hardest of things to do at times. I now believe in myself as a person again and do not wake up every morning hating myself. Today is the day I offer my deepest apologies to the public and cricketing world, to the loyal fans, to the dedicated coaches, staff and all players past and present, he added.